Thursday, January 30, 2014

The Polar Express

Yes people, we're still getting it and everyone is still bitching and moaning about it.  The way the pattern seems to be going is every week or so we get 2 days of extreme cold then the rest of the days are just normal cold.  Ya know, like 10-25 degrees or so.  But a funny thing did happen the other morning.  Yes, it was just the other morning...

I go outside Tuesday morning at 4:45 AM to fire the van up to bring my brother-in-law to work.  It begrudgingly fires to life and I strap myself in and adjust all my dials and such.  Defroster, check.  Rear defroster, check.  Parking lights on.  The Score, 670 AM Sports radio on.  All systems go. 

My cuñado comes out the door and goes over to get the garbage tote as there's some stuff outside the back door to throw in before he takes it down the driveway for garbage day.  Seeing this I roll my window down and offer him my gloves.  He says he doesn't need them so I put them back between the seats and the horror begins!  The fucking window will not move, nothing!  It's rolled all the way down and will not even move an inch back up.  Damn you power windows!

I proceed down the drive behind him, he puts the tote on the curb and then we try to pull up on the window as I'm hitting the button.  Nothing.  Now at this point let me further set the scene.  Having just rolled out of bed, I am wearing shorts and slipper clogs, a pocket tee shirt and a very light flannel jacket.  Dammit I'm a man, and also semi retarded.  Now I am faced with the prospect of driving 8.5 miles in some of the coldest weather I can recall with my window wide open.  Let's go for it!

I pull out on the road and it hits me quickly.  Thankfully said flannel jacket has a hood on it which I quickly employ.  I turn my body to the right away from the pounding wind to no avail.  It's like really cold and shit.  At some point I did put a glove on my right hand as I was starting to lose feeling in my fingers.  The good thing about this trip is we never go over 50 MPH, no highway or anything.

So all the way to the workplace I keep trying the window.  It goes up maybe a half an inch every couple of minutes or so and I swear the motor is now openly mocking me.  By the time we arrive the window is now just about half way up and the van is pretty much fully warmed up, at least engine wise.  I sit for a few minutes after my BIL departs and finally, with almost a gasp the window closes fully.

On the ride home I begin to feel my shoulder again. 


  1. I had a car a couple of years ago that when it got down to freezing would auto lock itself tight and refuse to open, even with a key. So I might be scraping ice off the window with the motor running and suddenly be shut out of the car with my keys (including my house keys) inside. It only happened when it got really cold, or when I 100% had to rely upon it.

  2. BTW I drive the kids to school in my PJ's and a woolly hat - they hate me for it. It's also why I do it.