Wednesday, November 23, 2011

You're Racing Like A Fireball, Dancing Like A Ghost

Yeah, I got skillz.

The other day my nephew, Big N, came home with some loose flowers and such for his woman. After watching his feeble attempt at arranging, The Commander stepped in.

Wil - "You know I once worked at a florist right?"

Big N - "You did? I don't remember that."

Wil - "Yeah, oh wait, that was before you were born."

Big N - "Weren't you the delivery driver?"

Wil - "Yeah, but somebody had to put them back together if they fell over."

So with that, Wil once again drew on his vast data bank of knowledge gleaned from a varied employment history and came up with the fine arrangement you see here in all of about 7 minutes. I am actually pretty proud of this. Is it wrong? I think not.

I've got to get me a pair of these! Oh the hilarity! Oh the nausea.


And finally in observance of the holiday, I leave you with a H.B.A.G. classic from Thanksgiving 2007. This one comes from Wil's "Heff and Donna" folder which is chock full of pics and oddities collected over the years from his "on hiatus" blog and emails, etc. I've got hundreds of drunken pics, grill pics, bar pics, deck pics and a good amount of half naked pics that strangely only feature Heff. "Their love was forbidden..." Happy Holidays to us all!

* - Image courtesy of and under special license from Heff's Bar And Grill and Double D's Funbag Enterprises, divisions of Worldwide Heff Inc., a Delaware Corporation. All characters appearing in this work are somewhat real. Any resemblance to fictitious persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and kind of scary. This product is meant for educational purposes only. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Don't try this in your living room; these are trained professionals. Low in Fat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No actual turkeys were harmed in this parody, only reputations.


  1. That's fine, just remember to send me my Royalty check every month....

  2. Are those turkeys free range? Happy Thanksgiving!

  3. When you get you some of those, let me know where you got them. I too want a pair.

  4. Are the Nude Stretchy Pants extra if you get the cellulite version?

  5. Heff - Do you get that on the same day you get your food stamps?

    Kim - No, they are most definitely caged, and not treated well.

    Choleesa - I've just ordered a pair, with optional varicose veins.

    Accidental Maven - Yes, they are. I ordered mine kind of tight for extra nook & cranny enhancement.