Friday, November 4, 2011

The Adventures of Jeff & Lana

Here is the first installment in this exciting new reality series. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Yesterday evening at 4:50pm, Lana calls my cell and says "Honey, will you stop at Marathon and get me some beer ? I've got supper done, and the house is clean. We didn't drink last night, so......"

I said, "Honey, it's THURSDAY....can't you wait ONE DAMN DAY for Friday ? No, I WON'T stop and get beer."


Knowing the WRATH I would face if I came home beerless, I stopped at Marathon and noticed a 6 pack for $ 3.33. I had 4 ones in my pocket, so I thought "Great ! - I won't even have to put this brand on the "beer card".

THAT BEER was MILWAUKEE'S "BEAST" - One of the WORST beers known to man.

For shits-n-giggles, I purchased it and took it to the house and put it on the counter.

Lana came out of the bathroom in her cleaning attire, and opened the bag.

"What the fuck is this garbage ?" she said with a pissed off look on her face. "I'm not drinkin' this shit....Take it back to the store and get my Bud Light"

At that point, I got pissed, and realized I've been spoiling her little ass for years with QUALITY Anheuser-Busch products.

I said, "I'll tell ya what Dammit - You'll drink this SWILL, or I'll take it outside and drop the entire 6 pack in the trash."

Her lips tightened up and I could TELL she was SERIOUSLY pissed. She cracked a can open and grimaced as she choked down the first mouthful, and went back to her cleaning duties.

I took a nap on the couch, and when I woke up I checked the 'fridge. She drank one and a half cans and couldn't stand it anymore.

I wonder how nice she's gonna be when I come home with 2 bottles of peach flavored Boone's Farm tonight ?


  1. Ya know, I obviously don't know these people personally, but my guess would be that there are some SERIOUS co-dependancy issues, and probably some alcoholic tendancies that you could add to the mix in the featured relationship....I COULD be wrong....

    But I'll bet they have some AWESOME fuckin' sex on a regular basis.

    Just guessing....

  2. My favorite beer! ;)

  3. If that's "Milwaukee's Best" I'd hate to taste their worst!

  4. And the hilarity continues... lolol

  5. Everyone has dabbled in the budget harm, no foul. The end result is always the same -- happiness.

  6. Hilarious.
    I buy my own stash, and then I hide it where it cant be found, (next to the laudry detergent, cause we all know that no one goes near that shit) and I drink it when no one is looking,(when I am washing dishes and everyone vanishes) and then when asked if Ive been drinking, I lie, and say "Did you see me drinking?? how the hell am I gonna be drinking without anyone seeing me??"
    Ha!!! Then I say "now that you mention drinking, a nice cold beer sounds good, how bout you go get us some?"

  7. Hey, yet another of Heff's aliases checks in.

    Kimberly - You are correct. Only the best for Jeff & Lana

    Choleesa - Seek help, you might have a problem. Then again, fuck it, party!